to a woman so heartless.

I should probably tell myself, not to do things in the heat of the moment. Because you'll just end up confused and frustrated. You end up hurting someone.
It was not like I wanted things to turn out this way. I waited. I tried. I tried to talk to you. When I decide to let go, you come back into the picture. Yesterday was one of the nicest days I've had in a long time. But I was too comfortable in my independence. I still am. Call it a commitment phobia. I think it is. Past relationships have been like crap. And you have not given me any reassurances that things will be better. You disappear for days in a row. You hardly have time to rest. Let alone time for family, or me.
Please don't think that I wanted to do this. The last thing I want to do is hurt our friendship.
I tried to wait for the right time, but it was gone too fast and I've moved on. I'm just scared that things won't turn out the way things should. I worry too much and I know it. I can't help myself. Tell me how to be sure when all you've had are jerks.
I think I'm just going to cry myself to sleep tonight.